On A Good Note

Reading my past posts, I decided to start writing with a positive attitude. Because I didn’t know how to rise up from my emotions, I can now rise from the ashes of anger, sadness, confusion and hurt. 

I was very proud of myself this week for taking steps to move forward in my life. With some positive affirmations, I gave myself permission to start letting go of those destructive emotions. 

Small steps, God’s mercy and support will continue to carry me. My prayer now becomes a plea for strength and wisdom and fortitude to make good choices. Choices that bring peace and joy. My intentions are good, now I hope I can end each day on a good note. Peace!

Stand Up! Find Your Voice

I’ve fallen many times in my life. Big life changes that have literally knocked me on my knees and I never knew what it felt like to stand up, find my voice and move forward. 

The biggest blow to my spirit has knocked the breath out of me. It has left me so drained, physically weak, dependent on drugs to help me cope. It has made me feel embarrassed for not speaking up. But little by little, second by second, minute by minute, day by day, I have begun to stand up and find my voice. 

I’m reminded of when Christ fell so many times while carrying His cross and He stood back up, every time. And little by little He made His way to that hill to sacrifice His life for our sins. 

Far from being like Christ, I too, keep getting back up.  But, what is my sacrifice? What will my struggle accomplish and will it be for the glory of God, Our Father? I can only pray and meditate and offer my all, to know that the Holy Spirit will work within me. 

Forgiveness seems so far away, but the Lord has a plan – to prosper us!!! One step at a time; in God’s time. 

I use my words with care, praying not to interrupt God’s will. Intentionally making room for God to work in me. The difficult part is opening my heart to God’s will. But I know in good time (God’s time), I will see God’s plan play through. And it will be then that peace will be my friend and I will be able to finally rest in knowing I stood up, used my voice, and did my best!

My Story….

We all have an extraordinary story with a spectacular ending. The hilight to my story hasn’t reached spectacular. With all the heartache and disappointment, hopelessness becomes my window. 

I haven’t been able to find peace and forgiveness. I’ve not been able to be happy. I’ve not been able to be happy for the wonderful things in my childrens’ lives. And my story becomes null. 

I can’t even be happy for her because she isn’t at a stable point in her life to support two children.

I’m not happy at all! I’m angry all the time at everyone and this time there’s no end in sight. My health is deteriorating. My high blood pressure is up, I’ve begun to experience real migrane headaches, I have to take sleep aid and anti-anxiety medications. I’m depressed and right now my only escape is work and school. And it makes me wonder when my happy ending will come.

Moving forward is difficult. And I know my story will have a great ending. My prayer is that I will be able to leave a good impression somewhere, some how. I want to be the servant God calls us to be, but I want to know that my story will have a spectacular ending.