Those morning walks when you exercise to find the energy for a great day. When you look forward to solemn quietness and peace. Then, the walk turns into a whirlwind of emotional thoughts and chaos, trying to figure out what went wrong the night before in a discussion with your significant other.
In this new experience, my greatest task was trying to sort out words and meanings and repeated statements that seemed to have no direction. Was it an argument? Was it a good discussion or just a means to find fault in one another? Was it an agreement to disagree about differences or the toll that years of experience contribute to a new relationship?
Obviously, my thoughts were so fresh and scrambled that I needed more explanation and sorting through to find peace and realize that something good would come from our “first fight”. I use quotes, because it felt one-sided and nothing was resolved. I use the word “fight” loosely because there was no yelling. In hindsight, the discussion warranted a great deal of back-and-forth sharing, disagreements and agreements to figure out what the issue was.
Nevertheless, the not-so-silent walk was full of lasting benefits. Sorting through the emotions, organizing my thoughts, choosing what “fight” I wanted to address and figuring out my contribution to the problem. I am quick to find my faults and I want to fix my part. In the end I learn how to see, yet another, perspective.
I refer to myself as naive. Definition: (of a person or action) showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment. There are many things I find myself doing that are truly innocent and I do not think twice about how it might affect someone else, until I am told differently. By the mere definition of naive, I tend to find myself not knowing and not having enough experience to understand someone else who has been through a divorce and several failed relationships. I, on the other hand, come from a 26-year marriage and know nothing different than to say or do what I’ve always done. For example, being on my phone checking social media and innocently looking at posts and enjoying my friends. At that very moment, I am enjoying watching my friends be happy. Innocent enough, right?! In someone else’s perception, I am disrespecting our time together. I get it now. I learned quickly, but the real issue was not being able to communicate our true thoughts at the most valuable moment.
I usually learn from someone else’s mistakes, but I find myself not having anyone to learn from, but from my own experiences and it scares me. Therefore, when I walk in silence, I am learning to listen to my inner voice(s) and sorting through all the muddle to make better choices and life decisions that will ultimately be my backbone. I am grateful for the time God allows me to rationalize and pray. I pray about things I know little about and ask for wisdom and strength to walk this life as Christ did.
My 3 Butterflykisses 